I had to quit my job to keep up with the laundry. Maybe I am being a bit facetious, but not much. You know how it is… the never ending pile of laundry. On my tombstone it will say R.I.P. cherished wife, perfect mother (can you tell I wrote this for myself?), the laundry finally buried her.

When you first have kids you think it is cute to find small little shirts and onsies in the basket. Those tiny socks are precious. And then the babymoon ends. You begin to realize what you are facing. Sometimes I feel like Sysiphus. Only instead of pushing a rock up a hill, I am carrying a laundry basket around the house. How can people so small go through so many clothes? Just when you pride yourself on getting caught up on the laundry, someone spills juice on his shirt. Or your husband comes home from the gym smelling like a walking garbage can. Or someone wet the bed. There is always more more more. It is enough to drive any woman insane. Or at least to tears.

When I go to Olive Garden I get excited about the never ending salad bowl. The faster we eat it, the faster they fill it right back up. Needless to say, that same level of excitement does not carry over to the bottomless laundry basket. It’s like a house just can’t function unless there is something to be washed. What’s up with that?! Perhaps there is a Maytag Conspiracy that should be investigated. Looking to purchase some stock? I suggest investing in Tide or Gain. Every mother in America will tell you how profitable that would be.

It sounds so stupid to an outsider (or your spouse) when you talk about the challenge of laundry. But those who live it– get it. My husband will come home from work and tell me about all the interviews he conducted or the merger he is working on or the meeting he has to lead next week. And I tell him about laundry. To me it is a BIG stinkin task, but when you say it out loud it sounds like nothing. What did you do today honey? Five loads of laundry. Just one sentence wraps up my day. But do not fret, mothers. WE know what you are up against. WE know how frustrated you are. WE know what an insurmountable task you face day in and day out.

I question whether 300 Spartans could handle the laundry in my house. They might be able to hold off the Persian army, but there is no way they could sort, wash, fold, and put away clothes for just one family. It can’t be done.

Allison is a mother of two…almost three, and will probably have up to five if her sanity holds. She and her hubby live in Atlanta, Georgia, and are enjoying the joys and pains of being parents. Mostly, they just laugh a lot. To read more by Allison, click here.

Tagged: children, family, humor, parenting, motherhood matters, blog

I often marvel at all that it takes to be a parent. There was a time I thought it was just about a baby, a bottle, and a blanket. Now I know it is all about a baby, a stroller, a booster seat, a duffel bag full of sports equipment, a lunch box, a backpack, a diaper bag, some toys, a few snacks, a handful of books, several DVDs, and pairs of shoes that may or may not still have a mate. And that is just what’s in my car!

It is unfathomable how much stuff a mom can carry. Some days I feel more like a donkey with some saddlebags (yes, that kind, too…argh) than I do a giver of life. Wow, that sounds like a Thomas Kincade painting, but I digress. The older they get, the more they need. It never ends. That’s why God invented the massage.

Here is a common scenario for us mothers:
Family Trip to the Zoo
The night before the big day you start getting ready. After you have gotten all the kids to bed, cleaned up the kitchen, finished the laundry, and had glorious quality time with your spouse (it’s okay to laugh here), you get out an insulated lunchbox. You throw in a juice or water for everyone, a piece of fruit for all, some string cheese, some crackers, and that frozen block that keeps it all cool. Next, you get a tote bag. In it goes a blanket, some napkins, plates, and plastic silverware, a change of clothes for your potty training child, a football for the older one in case there is downtime, a camera, the video camera (why not), some hats and maybe a pair or two of sunglasses. Oh yeah, and some sunscreen.

You want to get a good start on the day and beat the heat, so the family leaves early in the morning. It is chilly so everyone has on a light jacket. Since not all of your kids are old enough to walk the entire zoo, you bring a stroller. So, off you go with your lunchbox and tote bag stored underneath. So far, so good. Only- as the sun gets warmer, everyone takes off his/her jacket and throws it into the stroller. Your husband wants to take pictures soon, so he asks you to get the camera out and hang onto it for just a minute (translation: an hour) while he carries a kid on his shoulders. Ooooooh, that looks like fun.

So now you are pushing an over packed pram AND you have the other kid on your shoulders, too. The camera strap is chaffing your neck as kid #2 squirms and jumps with excitement. The family happens to pass a gift shop near the panda exhibit and your husband gets a toy for the kids because they are being good and this is such a fun family day to remember. Add said toys to your load.

There is no longer room in the stroller for any children so you must carry them the rest of the time. After the shoulders get old, they move onto your back. That way they are safely contained but can still see what is going on. The camera strap is now actually choking you but you care so little at this point you do nothing. Secretly you hope you do pass out and wake up in a First Aid tent with air conditioning, ginger ale, and saltine crackers.

The exit sign is in sight, but first your husband wants the kids to see the lions. It is the last exhibit and one they have been waiting for. He is being a good sport and letting them stand on his knees so they can see better. However, he needs you to hold his keys, his cellphone, and his sunglasses so they don’t get squished by the kids. You contemplate jumping in with the lions but decide against it when you realize they have already eaten today.

Your body is so sore you don’t think you can take another step. Every muscle hates you right now. The pain is almost as bad as dancing too long in a pair of high heels, but it has been too long since you have done that to make a fair comparison. Jaw tight, tears welling, you muster up the last amount of energy in your weary body. It is only the sight of the car that keeps you going. That and the Spa Sydell gift certificate in the drawer at home.

Allison is a mother of two…almost three, and will probably have up to five if her sanity holds. She and her hubby live in Atlanta, Georgia, and are enjoying the joys and pains of being parents. Mostly, they just laugh a lot. To read more by Allison, click here.

Tagged: children, family, humor, parenting, motherhood matters, blog