Some motherhood matters. The rest is just good for laughs.
by Allison
Free time is a precious commodity. And sometimes, as a mom, even free time isn’t free. It just means that we let the kids go wild for 15 minutes while we talk on the phone. As long as there is minimal screaming and nothing sounds like it is getting broken, we convince ourselves that the kids are probably fine. Fingers crossed.
A friend of mine has three kids with the fourth on the way. A few years ago when I would call her, she would have to hide in the closet to talk to me. This was B.C. (before children) for me, so I thought her kids must be wild with a capital D. I also thought her husband must be a total deadbeat. And now when she calls me, I sprint for the coat closet.
Even if your kids are normally so good they polish their halos as a playtime activity, there is an unwritten law of the universe that never fails: Children will do everything in their power to keep their moms from talking to their friends. Maybe they think the phone will suck our brains out. Newsflash kid: pregnancy did that years ago. So they start in with the incessant chanting of “my turn, my turn.” Or they pull at your legs and arms. Or they turn on each other. Thirty seconds ago they wanted nothing to do with you. But now you are the most popular person in the room. Now you have a phone.
I consider myself to be a pretty balanced mom. I don’t want my kids to be neglected, but at the same time they need to know how to entertain themselves. So throughout the day, I try to play with them some and let them do their own thing some, too. I also try to wait until they are happy and busy before I attempt to keep up the facade that I still have a thriving social life.
But as soon as I hit talk on my cell phone, some great tragedy unfolds and I am needed. Not even Daddy will do. How many times have you been talking to another mom and you get the “I have to hang up RIGHT NOW” line? How many times have you uttered those words yourself? Ahhhh, too many. Too many.
Only others parents understand that RIGHT NOW means RIGHT NOW. There is no wrapping up the conversation. There is no time for one more quick story. No, it is NOW or something catastrophic will happen. NOW or Jimmy will poop in his pants. NOW or someone will paint the dog. You hold off as long as you can, hoping the whining or crying or plotting will subside. But sometimes that magic moment comes when an abrupt CLICK is the only safe out. A fellow parent doesn’t need an apology call later. They don’t need a follow-up explanation. It’s cool.
So if you don’t have kids, yet, but one of your mom buddies pulls this stunt, don’t fret. She is not trying to be rude. But the spaghetti finger-painting that is about to go down in the den is a little more than she can handle with a finger snap and an evil eye. Have no fear; she’ll call you back later from the closet.
Allison is a mother of two…almost three, and will probably have up to five if her sanity holds. She and her hubby live in Atlanta, Georgia, and are enjoying the joys and pains of being parents. Mostly, they just laugh a lot. To read more by Allison, click here.
Tagged: parenting, humor, children, marriage, blog, motherhood
